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Trust issues are vital and very life-threatening.

Paranoia hits you and there’s no one to catch your fall but you.

Usually paranoia could be dismissed by the normal person (i.e. high self-esteem, confidence). But by someone like me But as for me, I can’t swat it like I would a mosquito. I can’t shoo it away like a stray dog. I can’t. I just can’t.

They say I’m broken. I believe them.

I’ve become friends with paranoia. I had to. And I’ve learned a few tricks out of it.

  • First, you’ve got to sharpen your tongue. Yes, you can’t shoo paranoia off. But you can drive the people involved in it away. And words are one way of doing that. Although there’s no guarantee as to how long they’d stay away. People are very resilient.
  • Second, get a thicker skin. Others have that innately, God bless them. Others have to figure out how to grow them. Calluses are one way of doing it. Or, you can always smile your way through things. When all else fails, hide for a while like we chickens do. It works most of the time.
  • Third, hone your investigative skills – so you have something up your sleeve. Leverage is your best friend. Worried about that cellphone beep – check the log of the phone. Always, always check if he forgot to log his account off, you never know when blessings might come.

I sometimes think that I can live with paranoia. I mean, most wives do I bet – so why can’t I? I’m no idealist. I can conform. And I usually do. And it is my fault why we are here in the first place.

But there are times like these, when you talk to someone who truly cares for you. You get a glimpse of yourself through their eyes and your heart breaks. And you put your face in the palms of your small helpless hands and sob, for a few human seconds.

I sighed and I carried on. Life goes on. And we fight for every second of it. At least, I do.

Growing up ain’t for pussies. Tony Fitzpatrick said that. He knows what he’s talking about.