I will share something that is completely private. I don’t know why i feel the need to share but as the feeling is still here, I will jump at the chance.
A few months back I was at my lowest and felt the need to breathe out. I went somewhere and prayed to a God that I much too often disregard. I knelt and started talking, rather, started crying. I didn’t pray in the strictest sense of the word. I just talked like I would talk to a dear friend. He’s quite a friend, actually. He listens without interrupting. And you always feel better after your talk.
My words were muffled by the sobs that I can’t stop. And I remember telling him words that I would never tell anyone else, out of pride or shame, or just because I am built this way.
“Nothing I do is ever enough. But what else can I give when I have already given everything?”
There was no answer, of course. If you were there, what would you tell me? That my stubbornness will be the end of me. Which is probably 90% true. But here I am, months after, still standing, awkwardly so. Broken, yes. But still breathing.
I am clearly damaged. And without a doubt broken. I finally found a way to be truly rough on the edges. But then again, I have always been strong, even if it’s just on the outside. And I can fight like no one else. Call me crazy, I won’t care. I am learning the art of rising above the little things though. Hence, this post.
Today, as my inner tirade continues on its parade. I will rise above. I have given my all and the rest I just leave to FAITH. Yes, I may be broken but I still have faith.
Good day, everyone!